Inherent in the very nature of divorce is its capacity for destroying lives and sowing division and divisiveness among families. Ironically, though considered as only the legal end to a union which has already broken down, this final step is often accompanied by grief and sorrow, along with a host of other conflicting and confusing emotions.
This is so because ending a marriage means letting go of shared commitments and dreams, sometimes after many years. Hopes for the future have been dashed and this can lead of feelings of failure, inadequacy and profound disappointment. With all of these extreme emotions being experienced, most of them negative, this time can be one of the most difficult in the live of an adult.
In addition to all of the losses being experienced, some persons may even lose a sense of their own identity. Being stripped of the comforting familiarity of being a couple for so many years and the demise of this partnership in all areas of life, including friendships and finances, can result in a sense of loss about self and individuality. The future has become uncertain and taking the plunge into it all alone, can be frightening.
Fortunately, there is life after divorces. The recovery process is difficult and challenging, but with effort and determination, life can become good again. A good way to begin is by acknowledging all the feelings of anger, loss, frustration confusion, anxiety and sadness. It is normal to feel this way and in order to heal, it is necessary to first feel. Grieving is integral to the healing process, and regardless of how painful, it does come to an end at some time.
Close friends are a lifeline in the aftermath of this difficult time. Having someone to talk to and share the multiplicity of emotions is extremely cathartic. It helps in abating the pervasive loneliness. A good friend who listens and does not judge or criticize makes all the difference. Using a journal as an outlet for expressing and releasing pent up sensations works also.
Having just divorced, socializing and meeting new people is certainly not a priority. Well intentioned friends may encourage getting out to the bars or setting up blind dates. The same objective can be achieved much more tastefully and graciously by taking up a hobby or volunteering. Support groups are also a wonderful alternative, for they put fellow sufferers in direct contact with each other.
It should come as no surprise if tasks and responsibilities previously executed with speed and alacrity, are now performed with lackluster indifference. A lack of fervor and enthusiasm is a natural consequence of being newly divorced. Taking a temporary time out from some commitments, wherever possible, means more time to begin the critical progression to recovery and healing.
Of the myriad negative emotions which characterize Ontario Divorce, there is a difference between feeling them, which is necessary for healing, and dwelling on them too much. Becoming bogged down in the mire of hurtful feelings like resentment, blame and anger is destructive. It impedes the healing process. Life may be difficult and challenging now, but the future holds the potential for new hopes and dreams and as far as is possible, should be embraced with this in mind.
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